F*^#K IT I AM ENOUGH!!!!!!

Today I had a comment from someone that really tipped me over the edge of what would normally piss me off.  I don't get pissed off very often and when I do it is usually very short lived.


This comment showed me that you know sometimes you can't be everything to everyone and you can't do everything especially when it is not your best interest, you do these things because it is a small community and someone has to help out.


Well that is what society makes us believe.


Society has created us to believe we are not enough, we don't do enough, we don't have enough, we don't know enough, we don't contribute enough.


Well you know what I have had enough of believing I am not ENOUGH.


When did I give my enoughness away?


I thought it was when I had my kids and got married.  Don't get me wrong I know in my kid's eyes I am enough.  It is everything else that is associated with growing up and taking on responsibility of another person is where I really let my enough go into the wind and started to listen to the expectations and beliefs of others.


Before this new chapter in my life I always had enough and I had no problems with being able to manifest all that I needed.


I had work, I had my horses, I was able to go away on weekends and compete and it was enough for me to have fun with my horses because the only person I wanted to better then was the person I was yesterday when I last rode.  I had friends, I had a roof over my head, I paid my bills easily.
I had ENOUGH and I was content with that.


Once another permanent person came on the scene my enough seemed to vanish.  Being a single mother was not enough, I had to get a job so it wouldn't look like I was bludging on society.  Then I had to get married because well intentioned people didn't think it was right for me to be a single mother with no father for my child.  And then once I was married the inlaws didn't think I was so suitable for their son, so I did more around the place so that I was pulling my weight and not bludging on the family business and then I kept taking on more roles. 


The husband expected me to be like the neighbours wife.  She can do it all why can't you?  So now I get more involved with community groups and teaching my kids school and learning new skills jumping through so many damn hoops to keep all the different levels of society happy because they all want a piece of you at some point and they want it yesterday.   And I stopped riding my horses and having fun because I wasn't doing enough to please others.  So I kept doing and doing and doing and more, doing so that I might eventually be enough.


Enough for bloody what. 


Some days I want to drop out of society and not take on anymore responsibility and roles and commitments.  I want to curl up under my rock and let it all go and when I am ready maybe I might come out of hibernation.


And you know what sucks?  By me showing up believing that I am not enough I am teaching my kids this as well.  I am teaching them that you supposedly have to keep going and doing and being MORE.  Because you are not ENOUGH.  And that stinks.  Because my kids are ENOUGH.


When will we be a citizens again?  Have you noticed that in all the marketing and advertising we are called CONSUMERS.  We have lost the title of being a citizen of a community to be a guzzling gutsing, wanting more consumers.  They play on us and our vulnerability so they can sell us shit we don't need.  They make us believe that there is not ENOUGH to go around, so hurry up and spend up before it is all gone.


I am wondering what would happen if we lived in the world with enough.  Enough Air to breath, enough food to eat, enough shelter to keep you dry, warm, cool.  Enough clothes, enough water, enough play, enough fun, enough LOVE.


What if we are ENOUGH.....................................

My Reframe On Words

Yesterday I had people come and visit to look at buying horses for their kids.  Leading up to them coming to visit I was making myself sick worrying that I hadn't done enough to get the horses ready because life and other commitments I let get in the way.  And the truth is I really didn't think I had horses that where suitable.  At this stage most of the horses that I have for sale are young and not had much work yet.  So I wasn't prepared to guarantee any of them.  And when kids are involved you really want to be sure you are selling a reliable horse.

Bonnet a brumby pony

The one horse that might of worked for them wasn't mine.  He was lent to my children for as long as we needed him, but his owners do have him up for sale.  When I asked the owner how much he wanted he put on an extravagant price.  But hey it is his horse and he can put on what ever price he likes.  So needless to say this horse was a little...... a lot out of the buyers budget.  Which I fully appreciated.

Fire Bug

The thing is I was talking to the father while his son was riding the horse and I heard myself say to him, "I am not very good at selling horses".  Later on I got to thinking about this and my choice of words.  They weren't a very good choice.  Really what I meant to say was "I don't DO selling horses very well YET".


Can you see and hear the difference in the play on words.  What I said sounds very, THIS IS SO AND THERE IS NO OTHER WAY AND IT CAN'T BE CHANGED.  Where as what I could of said allows for improving and change and getting much better at what I don't do very well yet.  And when I use the word DO it means it is an action that can be changed whenever I choose.  It is also letting the universe know that it is something I am going to get better at so that the universe can attract better outcomes for me.


I AM is a very powerful set of words and we use them to put our self down more times then we use them to lift ourselves up.  Just imagine if when we looked in the mirror we could say "I am beautiful or I am amazing", instead of all the other self destructive talk we use.


I would like to challenge you to notice how you talk about yourself,  especially when you are looking at the mirror or when you are talking to other people.  And when you do notice that you haven't been so nice to yourself have a go at reframing what you are saying so that it is not so intense and hurtful.  And if you have children notice how they talk about themselves and gently reframe their words to something that gives them more options to see how worth while they are.  You will be surprised of the flow on effect that this has.


So remember if you can't talk nicely about yourself then you cannot ask other to talk nicely of you.


Much love and have a great day
Jody

Stepping up

Carrying on from my last post I am needing to step up and embrace all that I have been learning about myself and my life purpose, life lesson and life school.  Part of having a life lesson and school of love is learning to embrace my fears of rejection and tomato fear (which is part of the lessons of my life purpose.  The "spotlight" part), which is the fear of having tomatoes thrown at me if people don't like what I have to say.

I am needing to get my foot of the brake and get a bit of courage up and tell people about my purpose.  It has taken me years to admit that I might be able to communicate between horses and people and help people see their reflection in their horses and help them move forward in their lives through my ability of observation of horse human interaction.  My mentors call it "horse whispering".  I don't know what to call it.  I struggle with the terminology of being a "Horse Whisperer"  I think of all the very talented horse people I know or know of and I start to compare myself.  I know what I do is different to them but they are the people who I think of when the term horse whisper is used.

In one of my mentoring sessions I told of a young horse that I was handling.  He has not really liked being round me ever since I had him castrated.  He is getting over that now though.  The other day I walked past him running my hand along his back as I went when he bit me on the back for what I thought was no reason.  My intuition straight out said to me "so where are you biting yourself on the back?"  And yes I would be my own worst back biter of myself, snapping at myself for entertaining thoughts of want and desire, even pushing myself out of my own herds telling myself I am too different or not good enough or people don't want to hear what I say.  All this is back biting and hurtful to myself.

Both my mentors said "so you are a horse whisperer".  And of course I went into denial as I tried processing their comment.  I am coming round to it now.  Although if I can find something else to call what I do something else, I will.  Any great ideas would be gratefully excepted. 

My mentors have also been challenging me to speak about my gift to people and I have been dodging this too.  I have mentioned snippets to friends but that has been all.  So now I have blogged about it as blogging is a spot light action and it is easy to share through facebook and other social media.

I would love to hear your comments or feedback or if you have a name for what it is I do please leave a comment or send an email through the thingy on the side of the blog post.

Until next time xx

Accelerate/Brake

The markings on your hands can reveal so much about you and where you are at this point in time in your life.

Right now for me I have been reminded about some lines in my hands just across from the webby bit between my thumb and pointer finger.  There are some lines that go across my hands and some that go down ward or horizontal and vertical.  These are yes and no lines and in this particular part of my hand it is where the courage is. 

So what these lines are telling me is that I have one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brakes.  And it is all of my own doing.  I cannot blame others for slowing me or stopping me from living my purpose, it is me that is holding me back.

How do I get out of this and step into my courage at what ever cost?  I guess the first step is to take notice of my life lesson which is the same as my life school and that is LOVE.  Start by saying how I feel in the moment.  "I FEEL........." and embrace the feelings.  No matter what they are.  As a School of love person it is important for me to acknowledge my feelings and be ok with them and express them.

So my practice is to have the courage to express how I feel in the moment regardless of the expectation of others.

So here goes.....  "I feel nervous"  each time I write a post I am nervous of peoples reactions and if I have written something that people like what I have written and that I won't offend in any way.

The truth is I must write from my heart and if I do offend it is really none of my business.

Celebrating 2014

WOW

Another year has trundled past and it has been pretty interesting.  For me personally looking back I felt I hadn't achieved all that I had set out to do.  But when I look at bit closer at the year it had been pretty hectic.

Between all 3 kids going to boarding school and the emotional rollercoaster that goes along with the ups and downs of kids leaving the nest, keeping up with the chores that they usually do when they are home, helping round the property with mostly managing, what seemed like a never ending drought.  All of which most of us on the land deal with everyday.

So when it came time for us to do our annual "Celebration Board" to celebrate all the magic and miracles that have happened throughout the year I was a little stuck.  This was because I was so caught up thinking about the STUFF that I didn't get done that I just couldn't see the good Stuff.

At the end of each year we, as a family, do a celebration board to acknowledge the milestones, accomplishments and many other things that have happened for us during the year.  We get a large piece of paper and stick it up on a wall that we can see form nearly anywhere in the house. and then we draw, write and decorate it with images and words from the year that was.  Sometimes it takes a bit of prodding but once we are on a roll there is a lot of "WHAT ABOUT THAT" or "REMEMBER THIS".

Although some of this picture is a bit hard to see we celebrated things like racing horses at the Richmond Bush races, new pups, a new horse for Taya, RAIN and the Rainbows that go with rain, Grade 7 camp, a cutting clinic that was held here at Uanda, & work for our machinery.

It is a great activity to do as a family and it helps us to remember to be grateful for all that we have been blessed with over the year.

How do you remember your year and give thanks or celebrate all that was.  Or if you did a celebration board similar to our family I would love to hear from you.

Leave a comment below or send an email through the link on the side of the page.

xxxx